Living isn't for the weak
by jcc1458
Summary: Sometimes strength is asking for help.
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't concentrate, her focus should have been on saving Oliver but all she could think of was Holly, and how badly she had messed up. Chris telling her to call Holly was mixed up with thoughts of the kiss and then pushing Holly away. Watching her walk away Gail was certain she felt a crack in her porcelain heart. She should have just pulled the woman (who was easily the most incredible person she had ever met) into her arms and kissed her, regardless of who was watching; instead she was now driving towards a man that had already shot at her once today.

Pulling up to the building they had no choice but to believe Oliver was still alive. Gail felt the uneasiness rise in her stomach, her heart was racing and not that she would ever admit it but panic was coursing through her veins. Whilst everyone was co-ordinating how to storm the building Gail slipped off to the side. Pulling out her phone and hit dial, unable to hide the smile that occurred every time the goofy picture Holly had saved as her contact photo appeared. She had been so presumptuous doing this on the very first day they had met, almost as if she knew exactly what she would come to mean to Gail.

Holly answered as soon as the call connected. Instantly both women started trying to apologise for earlier. "Holly you gotta stop talking, I can't kiss you to make you stop this time, and I'm running out of time."

"Does that mean you want to kiss me again?"

"Yes Nerd, I want to kiss you again, you know maybe even every day for a very long time. I should have kissed you when you came to see me. That's all I can think about I'm so sorry Holly."

"I shouldn't have pushed you, It's me whose sorry. Gail just come back to me please."

"I'll try, I'll call as soon as I get the chance, just if something goes wrong I need you to know, the first day we met I said I didn't like people, I lied. I like you…a lot, I didn't realise it but you had me at medical jurisprudence."

"I know, plus one forever remember."

"I have to go, I will see you tonight."

Gail joined Chris and squeezed his arm, she didn't want to say it out loud and hoped that the gesture was enough. She was thankful to him, talking to Holly made everything inside her stop flying about, the panic calmed and she felt like she could breathe.

They sped in the squad car to the hospital; Sam had been shot in their own sanctuary. The station was meant to be a safe place away from the chaos on the streets, now that safety was gone. Gail pulled out her phone; with no answer she left a message. Not hearing Holly's voice meant the ability to void her emotion and form functioning sentences was gone. Leaving a garbled message she headed into the hospital clinging on to Chris. She needed to be there for her friends, but hospitals brought back memories she wished she no longer had.

Holly returned the body to the freezer, she felt guilty she needed to be the voice for someone who couldn't speak anymore but she couldn't concentrate. Holly needed to know Gail was safe, until then nothing else mattered. Hours had passed and she hadn't heard anything, checking her phone she realized that it had died on her; even if Gail had called she wouldn't have known. Plugging the charger in she waited, tapping her foot anxiously for any sign of life. Nothing happened. Swearing loudly she ran to the storage room and started nervously talking to herself. '_It's an emergency. It's not stealing, it's borrowing a resource for personal use that's just a black mark nothing worse.' _Fumbling with the SIM card she slipped her own one into the phone and watched as the screen light up. Connecting to her voicemail she felt a small amount of the anxiety coursing through her body leave as soon as she heard Gail's voice. She was alive but all Holly could really make out was the word hospital. _Was Gail hurt? _Her mind went to the worst case scenario and as a forensic pathologist she knew how bad things could get. Not even bothering to collect her things she just ran straight out the building to her car.

Speeding towards the hospital her mind was filled with every moment spent with Gail that she treasured, the kiss in the interview room, then regret at having blown off Gail to spend the evening in the company of someone she didn't even know. She should have cancelled the date as soon as she had seen Gail at the Penny, instead she attempted to make Gail jealous. What if she never got another chance to spend an evening smiling and laugh with Gail, feeling like she was the most important person in the world.

Holly didn't even bother to park properly she wasn't even sure if she had locked the car, running through the doors of the emergency room panicking about what had happened to Gail. As she turned into the waiting room the first thing she saw was platinum hair. Her heart stopped, Gail wasn't hurt she was here, stood right before her. She walked up to the women, trying to keep her emotions under control.

Gail turned she suddenly, instinctively knew that Holly was here now. The world would be set right and she would feel okay because that's what Holly did whether she knew it or not. Gail didn't give the women chance to say anything. She needed to feel Holly close to her, her arms flung around the tall brunette and she pulled her in close.

Holly breathed in the smell of Gail as she wrapped her arms round the police officer a little tighter. "I'm sorry I came as soon as I heard." Holly's face buried into Gail's neck and she couldn't resist placing a small kiss onto the exposed skin.

"I'm just glad you came." Reluctantly Gail pulled herself away from Holly, "Steve, Traci this is Holly." After the pleasantries Gail led Holly to some empty seats, it seemed like every cop from 15 Division was in that hospital waiting room. Holly was surprised when Gail took her hand and interlocked their fingers. Holly wanted to smile but knew this wasn't the place she was also scared of spooking Gail, remembering all too well her cat analogy. Instead of everything she wanted to do she simply squeezed Gail's hand tight.

Time seemed to past so slowly Gail's kept Holly's hand in a vice tight grip, her head slowly made its way onto Holly's shoulder, the Doctor had to fight every urge in her body to stop herself from stroking the officers hair or kissing her. Holly tilted her head and looked at Gail closely; the fair skinned officer seemed to have become even paler. She softly rested her forehead against Gail's. "It's going to be okay. Sam and Chloe will pull through."

The longer Gail spent in the hospital the more it felt like her blood was turning to ice, the only reason she was making it through was the fact that Holly was holding her close. Locking eyes with Holly she was tempted to lie but there was something all seeing and all knowing about those eyes. "It isn't just them; I don't like hospitals, everything here brings back bad memories." Saying this to anyone but Holly would be like admitting weakness, but with Holly it felt different.

"I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." Holly let her hand brush over Gail's cheek. "I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

Sergeant Best stood up and announced "Right people, it's getting late. Anyone on shift tomorrow needs to leave now. We will keep you updated but I need you all able to protect and serve tomorrow." Nobody went to move; "Come on people, go! There's no difference between what you can do here and what you can do at home resting."

Holly squeezed Gail's hand, "He's right you more than anyone need to get out of here."

Gail didn't answer but allowed Holly to pull her up and lead her out towards the car. As they left the waiting room she spotted Nick sat alone in the corner, eyes red and watering, that seemed to be a common response when Andy McNally was involved. Going against her nature of wanting to be mean she let go of Holly's hand and went over to him, "Most of the squad cars have gone, do you need a lift home?"

Nick swallowed back the tears "I need to wait for Andy." He noticed the look Gail gave him, "I'm not stupid Gail, I know she would always choose Sam over me but I can't walk away and leave her."

Gail didn't say anything she just kissed his cheek and walked off, she didn't feel jealous or bitter anymore. She just had to look across at Holly, if her and Nick were together then Holly wouldn't have happened.

Gail was two steps behind Holly following her to the car, before Holly could walk round to the drivers' side Gail reached out and grabbed hold of Holly's hand spinning her round. Stood face to face, Gail had so many words floating around her mind that she wanted to say but nothing came out. Gail's eyes were darting from Holly's eyes and down to her lips, with a sharp breath Gail captured Holly's face in her hands, pulled her in close and kissed her lips reminiscent of the way she had in the interview room. Holly responded pulling Gail in close, all the emotion from the day pouring into that one kiss. Out of breath the pair pulled apart, leaning their heads against each other "I've been needing to do that since you walked into the hospital."

"Me too." Holly let her fingers trace over Gail's face, stroking her cheeks. "I should take you home; you need to get some rest."

"Will you stay with me?" Gail would never have asked this of anyone else but she knew that she didn't have to be that person anymore; Holly would see through the act anyway so what was the point.

"Of course, I don't think after today I'm ready to let you out of my sight for a little while." Holly recaptured Gail's lips in her own.

"You should get some sleep." Holly started to clear the rest of plates. Gail reached out and covered Holly's hand in her own.

"Leave them" Gail moved Holly's hand to rest on her waist. Leaning in she kissed Holly passionately, having seen only a quiet and subdued Gail all evening the ferocity of the kiss took Holly off guard. She stumbled back slightly only to be caught in Gail's arms.

Holly realizing what was happening and where this could be leading pulled away slightly. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I need you. Please Holly, I thought about this for so long; I don't want to waste any more time." That was all Holly needed to hear, she took control of the situation. Wrapping Gail's arms around her neck she let her hands travel down over the officers body whilst kissing her, without letting the lips break apart Holly managed to somehow guide the pair into Gail's bedroom. Knocking the door shut with her foot, Holly turned her attention to Gail's t-shirt, as she pulled the fabric up Gail obliged by lifting her arms, pulling the top up and throwing it to the floor Holly pushed Gail back on the bed.

Holly pinned the officers' arms above her head, "No touching for you, just lay back." Keeping one hand interlocked with Gail's fingers Holly let the other and her lips travel over Gail's exposed breasts and abdomen. Pulling away she removed her own top, Gail sat up to watch mesmerised by Holly's actions. Throwing her trousers to the side Holly knelt before Gail, kissing her stomach and working on getting the officer out of her trousers. Gail's arms were quickly wrapped around the tanned skin before her, laying back on the bed the pair became entwined, sheets and pillows falling to the floor. Holly's hand traced over Gail's underwear, "are you sure?"

Gail tried to speak but nothing came out, she was already breathing hard, her heart was racing. Instead she answered by slipping her fingers underneath Holly's lace briefs; taking Holly by surprise and causing her breathing to hitch. Hungrily Holly began to kiss and bite at Gail's lips and neck whilst slipping her fingers inside Gail's underwear immediately eliciting a moan. Gail copied every movement Holly made, matching her rhythm and tempo until finally she couldn't contain it any longer; "Oh God, Holly!" Her voice was ragged and all she could hear was the pounding of her heart ringing in her ears. That was all Holly needed to hear, the pleasure took control of her body and with a final moan and a last desperate kiss, she collapsed breathing hard on top of Gail.

"Wow, that was amazing, my head is spinning" Holly quickly rolled off of Gail careful not to squash her.

"Is that the specific medical term?" Gail had pushed herself up to look at Holly, slightly impressed that on her first attempt at sex with a woman she had managed to achieve this response.

Holly playfully made to push Gail away, "No, but with the amount of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin surging in my brain that was the best you were going to get."

"So to get you to speak like a normal human being all I have to do is this". Gail pushed her knee up between Holly's thighs.

Holly ran her hands through Gail's platinum hair and pulled her in close, "I take it you don't need to sleep then"

Gail whispered in Holly's ear "I'm not working until the late shift and your calling in sick." Then she replaced her fingers back where they had been only moments before.

_**Thanks for reading. please review. I have a few more chapters planned. **_


End file.
